Friday, May 8, 2009

Self-Perception, As "Reactional Conviction"

Sometimes I think religion is very unhealthy, and hinders development. I have understood some past pscyhologists have viewed our understandings of God, as projections or internal conflicts with our families of origin. I do agree that how we view God is dependent on these conditionings. This is what started my thinking this morning....

Does our self-perception "interpret" our understanding, not just of reality, but what we read, see and do? What if those in a minority position always "see" other's prejuidice, because of their own disposition toward prejuidice and continual feelings of victimization, which increases the probability that these will continue to act in ways that result in the "outcomes" they fear? This is "self-fulfilling prophecy".

Since I believe this is so, how does one change one's perception of oneself? How does one act differently so that they do not predispose themselves to behaviors that are self-defeating? I think this is why so many find themselves experiencing the cyclic view of life, instead of a progressive view of life. Is life getting better and better, or is life a continual tread-mill?

I think that we are made to accomplish, acquire, conquer, and become. And much of the "project" of self improvement must be done within oneself in one's own commitment to develop or become, and sometimes it is necessary for others to hold one accountable.

So often, I think, others are passionatley convicted because of something internal. This hinders rational discourse, and sometimes reactionary opinions that hinder viewing or seeing things clearly. We need other eyes sometimes to see what we must see.

I have been blessed with a husband that did not emphasize my background of self-criticism. But, sometimes self-criticism can be constructive if one responds to it. I did this last year while in D.C. I lost weight, and exercised daily, ate better and took vitamins. It was "okay" to take care of myself. And there was no self-recrimination that I was "self-seeking", "selfish", etc. So often, especially in conservative Christian circles, it is hard to maintain a balance of taking care of oneself and one's family. Family is to be the highest value, and others might judge your "self improvement" as "selfish amibition", or selfishness. This should never happen.

Although D.C. was freeing in my self-recriminations, it enhanced my feelings of insecurity! What does one do, to alleviate the anxiety, as I had little connection? I think "scape-goats" always internalize their environments and take responsibility for things they shouldn't and don't take responsibility for things they should. (I usually "dismiss" myself, rather than face possible rejection.) Responsibilties become a blame-shifting "game", so it will alleviate "false guilt" and anxiety.

I am a mess. How about you?

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