Don't Talk to Me About "Love"

I have been romantic most of my life. Dreaming of the day I'd marry and live happily ever after. I absolutely loved planning and being a part of our daughter's wedding. Decorating the reception hall and church was something I will never forget, as I love making things look beautiful! I loved talking to people in junior high and high school about their relationship problems. I used to be all about "relationships". I just knew that things could be worked out. I believed in "love" back then.

Cynicism is a transition phase until one can get over the realities of life. Life is not about hopeful dreams, but problems and difficulties. It is reality based, not escapist theology. Such transition means one doesn't look for narratives to woo one to sleep, but looks for the love in the 'neighbot's face". Friends and family is really all anyone has and these are to be cherished as one gets beyond cynicism of life.

Life hits everyone sometime with hard realities. And those of us who are more sensitized by nature or nurture are prone to react strongly to such realities. Some of us decide to think through their life differently. What they had believed is myth and unrealistic hopefulness of 'Utopian" ideals, not the conflicts, politics and harsh painful realities that are the true reality of life.

 I don't think there is any healing for "ideals". These are only to be fought for, they are not realities, but dreams of human hearts. And human hearts understand their dreams in different ways. I only want to now protect others from crushing blows about believing "hopeful dreams". It is improbable for most that dreams come true.  And this is what being an adult is about, fighting to live and make one's choices, and be who one desires to be, irregardless of what others think or believe. This is when one not only owns one's life, but starts to enjoy life in a new way, because one begins to love oneself . This is only the begining of happiness, to know oneself and not keep hoping for another reality, life or dream.

After one has grasped that life is not a romantic novel, where things are always completed and neatly tied up, one has to begin thier life in a new understanding of value driven goals, not ideally driven dreams. This is reality based thinking, not mythological dreams for hope in the "by and by".

So, don't talk to me about "love". Love is action, but the action must be driven from personal choices about values that are important. Otherwise, others impose thier "ideals" from the outside, as moral demands and that is not love, nor loving. All of 'us" have a right to "be", so if I am not allowed to "be", "Don't Talk to Me About Love".

Parallel Longings and Fulfillment

Choices in America are as various as there are types of people. We love to have choices. Take note of our supermarkets, or SuperWalMarts. The bigger the better because it accomodates all of us and our diverse tastes. Diversity is what makes America, well, America.

But, choice is much more than about the food we eat, or the clothes we choose to wear, but also the values we hold about life and what we want out of life. These all matter, too. An Ameican will 'fight for the right' to have alternatives and, to negotiate differences. This is what has motivated the American worker, as well as inspired the American entreprenuer. Everyone is "special" in America because there is always a place where one can find a "home". "Home" is about what the heart longs for and human hearts long for more than just a place to belong, but for "ideals". America values its ideals and we paint them in our wildest imagninations. And imagination reside only in individual human hearts.

The  individual human heart longs for beauty, justice and love. Each individual cannot find that beauty, justice and love apart from life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. This is what makes America great, because we believe that each individual counts and matters. And because of the individual's value in our society, he can choose how he defines the beauty of life. He is allowed the liberty, which is justice to follow his passion/love in the pursuit of happiness.

We are free in America in many ways to pursue our dreams, fulfill our hopes and find our lives in whatever endeavor we desire. I hope that this American Dream will last so my grandchildren will have the opportunities we so often take for granted. I am thankful to be an American.

Another Movie "Under My Belt"aboutf Human Choice/Parallel Universes

Tonight, my husband and I wanted to escape together, but didn't want to battle the crowds that we supposed would be at the local resurants. So, we watched a movie about "Life".

A dying woman and her memories of a past love had burned her heart with regret. The moive kept going back and forth between the aged woman in bed and her two grown daughters and their present struggles to the woman's past life and its struggles.

In her "past life" she'd met a man named "Harris", who she'd fallen in love with at her best friend's wedding. "Fate" did not look down upon their romance as a life long commitment, but a week of making deep memoires that would haunt her on her dying bed. One daughter was intensely interested to find out about "Harris", as her mother mentioned him often upon waking or going to sleep.

One day, the woman's best friend, whose wedding she'd met "Harris", came to visit. The visit was short but the connection was deep and it settled the "haunting" of the dying woman and the curious questions of her daughter. The best friend's advice to the two women, "There are no mistakes in life".

"There are no mistakes in life" is a life based on an understanding of human choice and fallibility within parallel universes. One cannot be outside of "what is/should be". Parallel universes mean that there are many contingent "worlds" that are just as valuable, as another. Human choice at a particular point in time is not evaluated by "wisdom"s fine-tuned experience, but what was of value at a particular point in time.

Particular points in time cannot be evaluated on historical standards, because human choice is a present reality in a particular individual's human development, not an absolute objective of historicizing of life and all that is.

Human choice is necessary for taking individual responsibility. and taking responsibility is about growing up, owning one's life and not blaming others. But, it is also about forgiving oneself and acknowledging human fallibility and fraility. It is knowing that probably could not make another choice, given certain limitations.

I enjoyed the movie in all respects. The story, the acting (Meryl Strep) and the message all were good Valentines for my husband and for myself.

Tally's Folly, Fears Addressed

Tonight, we went to see "Tally's Folly"'. Interesting story line about a couple that had had a romance the previous summer and the girl, Sally, gets "cold feet".

The boy, Matt, has decided to face his fears and risk rejection, while Sally can't help but feel compelled to reject him first.

Matt confronts Sally about her fears and confesses his own, telling of his experience of rejection as a Lithuanian Jew. He suggests that the answer lies in breaking apart their "shells", so that communication and intimacy might occur.

In the end, Sally admits that she, too, had been rejected. Rejection had caused her fears. But, fear came from social/ psychological circumstances. She had been engaged and then rejected by her fiance' and his family. She had gotten sick and could no longer have children. Her own family had become disenchanted with her, due to their loss of status and her prolonged singleness.

Two lovers at odds because one suffered from political scars, while the other suffered psychological scars. Both came to their senses in the end and I'm sure lived "happily ever after".

The End!

"The Island", a Good Commentary on the Dangers in Science and Religion

Tonight my husband and I watched "The Island". It is a realistic sci-fi picture about clones. The main plot is to"control" the clones in their human characteristics, limiting their choice, questions and experiences and controlling the information to the outside world about their humanity. I found the movie spoke to both sides of the religion/science debate.

Science's danger in de-humaninzing the individual clones was seen in the way that the clones were treated and "named". The clones were termed "products" and named according to their "lot in life". Science determined their purpose and limited the clones in questioning or observing their environment, or experiencing the joys of human "connection"; the joy of parenthood, or joy of "love". These clones were made for specific purposes and could not be allowed to "become" other than their determined purpose, which was a fulfillment of another's purpose and plan. The clone was not unique, but was told they were "special", which was another way of deceiving the real intent of their "controllers".

While the scientific aspect of the movie was obvious, the religious implications were no less clear to me. These clones were not allowed to experience the "outside world". The clones had a standardized environment, which limited their choices and understanding of the world, while telling them that they were 'special". The religious aspect was the de-humanizing element of being called out and promised a visit to "the Island", when in reality, the promise was only a fabrication to give hope in a sterile and controlled environment. What the "promise" represented was the fulfillment of the 'controller's purposes, not the hopes of the clones. The clones were not allowed to hope or experience the common joys of bacon, or the touch of a hand.The clones were sub-human as their ultimate purpose was more important than their speicific desire.

Two clones escape and "fall in love". They are desparate to "live" and experience the "real world", have choices, and come to terms with themselves, not their "pre-determined purpose". I found the movie stimulating but, perplexing emotionally.

Humans are never to be treated with such disrespect and disregard. Psychologically the movie intensified my anxiety over such life situations. All humans want to think that they are self-determining agents, and not pre-determined "robots". Humans rebel against such treatment and they should.